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DON’T CHEAT ON COLBERT: The most efficient way to get attention from Stephen Colbert is to write about him, but Glamour might not have expected the outpouring of attention a tiny item got from the comedy show host on Monday night. Brandishing a copy of the October issue, he gleefully pointed out a poll that asked readers which late night talk show host they would “do” (Jimmy Fallon), “dump” (Conan O’Brien) or “marry” (Colbert).
O’Brien recently canceled a planned appearance on Colbert’s show because of a concussion, but Colbert blamed the magazine. “I know how much the readers of Glamour mean to him. But buck up, Irish. A lot of people love you. Just not the beautiful, sophisticated readers of this leading magazine,” he said adding: “And to those lovely ladies, let me add — you whores! How dare you cheat on me with Jimmy Fallon! We’re married! You can’t marry one person and do somebody else! I don’t care if Jimmy Fallon is ‘totes hot’ — and I readily admit that he is — but marriage is a sacred trust! You don’t see me running around reading Allure! And believe me, I’ve had plenty of opportunities.” He then broke down. “You know what, f--k it. I can’t do the show tonight,” he said, pulling out some Ben & Jerry’s and sobbing, “No wonder they don’t want to do me. I’m fat.”
By the next day, glamour.com had a Hulu clip up, and editor in chief Cindi Leive seemed amused. “Well, I just sent him a wedding ring and a congratulatory toaster,” she said. “Plus some funny hand-written marriage vows.” — Irin Carmon