Memo Pad: Doing Good... Prized packages... Green Machine...

Ellies - who needs 'em? Hearst Magazines on Tuesday will dole out the first-ever Tower Awards for excellence in edit, art and design among Hearst titles.

Meanwhile, other papers, including the Daily Telegraph, reported that Middleton's middle-class roots were a subject of ridicule among some of Wills' friends. Apparently, the old boys with the floppy hair and posh accents would snigger "Doors to manual" — a reference to Mamma Middleton's former career — when Kate entered the room. And the papers also pointed out that Carole Middleton uses words like "toilet" instead of the more appropriate "loo," and that she forgot to call Queen Elizabeth "Ma'am" when she met her in December.

More than one paper reported that Wills was desperate to start sowing some oats and living like a 24-year-old army boy should — and that he was no longer having much fun with Middleton, whom he met while they were both studying for undergraduate degrees at St. Andrews University in Scotland. "I'm free-e-e-e. I'm really happy. Everything is fine. Let's drink the menu," the Mail quoted him as saying on Friday night. Wills was at Mahiki, the Polynesian-themed club in London's Mayfair, and was snapped on his way home in the wee hours.

As for the ever-loyal Middleton, word has it she'll never kiss and tell, even though the papers say her story is worth upward of $10 million. One thing is for sure: When it comes to the British royals, no love affair is ever dull, and — who knows? — there may be a Wills and Kate sequel still to come. — Samantha Conti

REALLY NICE: Diligent readers of Vanity Fair's regular "Notes From the V.F. mailbag" may have seen that an entry in the May issue got unusually personal about one of its columnists. "An entire party of New York City diners will no longer be reading V.F., at least not as long as Michael Wolff continues to contribute," it was noted in the magazine. The problem? "They say their meal was disrupted when he was allegedly rude and obnoxious to the staff of a restaurant they were all eating in." Wolff, who has been described in three separate New York Times business articles as, variously, "contentious," "often-caustic" and "corrosive" (though it was not always clear whether the reference was to his writing or personality), responded in an e-mail: "Gosh. Had no idea it was even in the magazine. I assume it's a joke, since I am unfailingly courteous everywhere I go." — Irin Carmon
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