"I think I learned to be more anal retentive after that," says Doonan, whose most remarkable skill today is making irony fit into the corporate ethos of his company. "I don't really like controversy," he says. "Retail is about seducing people and amusing them, not annoying them."

Ronnie Cooke Newhouse, who worked at Barneys through much of the Eighties and Nineties, says Doonan's kooky world view shouldn't obscure his fine business acumen. "A lot of the time, irreverent, funny people are incredibly flaky," she says. "But he could be the general in a gay army. He's incredibly disciplined."

Doonan's friend, Susanne Bartsch, the nightlife queen, puts it similarly: "Simon's a corporate Connie. He's a business girl."

"It's true," responds Doonan, who hasn't had a drink or a drug since 1986. "I'm a Goody Two Shoes masquerading as a loosey-goosey eccentric."

For almost a decade, he's lived in a state of domestic bliss with his partner, Jonathan Adler, who might be described as the Simon Doonan of interior design. They reside near Union Square with their Norwich Terrier named Liberace, and play ping-pong on a table that's covered in brocade wallpaper. The couple's biggest shared vice is a totally consuming and totally shameless addiction to their own press. "I'll do a Polish Web site, if they call," says Doonan. "The idea of overexposure is totally ridiculous to me."

Doonan and Adler's habit is supported by various cable networks, who turn to them for sound bites. The former is a frequent commentator on VH1 and the latter serves as a judge on the Bravo reality competition "Top Design."

Here's how the conversation goes when Adler calls Doonan up on his cell phone.

To Adler: "Hey, Johnny, I'm here with a reporter doing our WWD profile. Can I call you back?"

To me: "He said, 'Oh, smell you, you fat little bitch.'"

To him: "Darling, maybe you should say, 'Smell you, you fat little dwarf.' It sounds less hostile. Otherwise, they'll think you're just nasty and misogynistic and they'll never buy your ceramics again. Career over.... Exactly. Mmm hmm. Bye bye. See you later, you aging little piglet."