He was kidding, of course, but the people bidding were not. First up was a trip for two to Milan, with a four-night stay at the Four Seasons, personalized Gucci luggage and two tickets to the Gucci fashion show. It went for $60,000. Then came a package that included four tickets to the season finale of "American Idol," lunches with Adam Sandler, Keri Russell and Zac Efron, and four tickets to Nickelodeon's Kids Choice Awards. As the bids reached $95,000, Rock said, "For $100,000, you can f--k Paula Abdul, too. At 95 all you get is Randy Jackson." It sold for $95,000.

After that, the auction prices hit the stratosphere. Diller, Cruise, and Anna Wintour helped drive bids to the $100,000 mark, but they had nothing on the other hoi polloi who ended up winning. A trip to Paris and the Château Latour vineyard in France went for $120,000, followed by $320,000 for a sports package that included a meet-and-greet with A-Rod and an hour playing soccer with David Beckham. The last item on the block was a trip to New York, four VIP tickets to Madonna's next concert, dance aerobics with her and Paltrow, and a private photo session with Steven Klein. It sold to a Japanese lingerie mogul named Mika Noguchi for $600,000. "I'm just glad I didn't go for $40,000," Madonna said at the end of the evening, before Rihanna, Timbaland and Alicia Keys performed mini concerts for the heavy-hitter crowd.

Lopez, Leon, Madonna AND Keys photos by Kevin Mazur/Wireimage; All Others by Steve Eichner