The book's cover is designed to look like a tabloid, lots of pinks and yellows and a happy couple shot of Speidi. Inside, there are the same paparazzi shots of the two reality stars that have run ad nauseum in Us Weekly, Star, InTouch and the like. But it seems this time the photos serve another purpose: to illustrate Pratt and Montag's erudite prose about how to achieve and maintain celebrity status. Chapter one: Your Point of Entry. (Perhaps a poor choice of phrase.)
Chapter two: Spencer's Guide to Playing the Villain. This section includes a helpful "Villain-o-meter" with "Villains by Nature" on one end and "Villains Who Actually Kill People" on the other. Pratt positions himself near the middle, between J.R. Ewing and Freddy Kruger.
Chapter three: "Heidi's Guide to Playing the Bombshell." Here we're taught step-by-step "how to say I hate you without saying a word." Apparently, the trick lies within four facial expressions - eyes closed, eyes slightly closed, eyes looking up and finally eye contact. Montag demonstrates each look in a series of photos. "Yeah," said a colleague, "but that could be also confused with 'I'm trying to hook up with you.'" In Speidi's world, isn't that the same thing?
The book goes on to address such hard hitting topics as how to please the paparazzi ("Make sure to face every direction. This is especially important because people at magazines often want to use pictures where a celebrity is facing a certain way. Never leave it to chance.") and cosmetic enhancement ("At this point, getting your lips injected is no different than getting your nails done or wearing a push-up bra.").
It's advice that we could all definitely live without. But don't be surprised if there's a sequel. "How to Remind People You're Famous by Writing a Book about Being Famous."