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Watermill Center Summer Benefit and Auction, Water Mill, N.Y.
6:02 p.m.: Walking under a big cloud suspended above the path. Gorgeous! “This guy’s horny,” a jokey photographer says, referring to the trombone player’s headpiece.
6:14 p.m.: Passing through the Watermill building, Jim Jarmusch is concentrating on playing a guitar with a vast array of effects pedals. He catches a beautiful woman passing by and his trance is broken. He can’t stop staring. I don’t blame him. She’s wearing a skintight gold sequin dress.
6:17 p.m.: A performance artist hanging from a rope on the wall above. I lay down on the ground and get some good frames looking up at him. Uh, oh. He’s stuck in silver tinsel.
6:21 p.m.: My favorite part of the evening is walking through the woods at sunset where there are various performance art pieces in the golden hour light. The first I come upon is a fat man lying on his back with a huge white balloon on his stomach. “Do you need some help,” is one comment. Photographer Kevin Tachman says, “That’s me after Chipotle.”
6:23 p.m.: Next are some corporate mascots in their underwear.
6:24 p.m.: Woman in a white burka hosed down with water by two men, like some kind of Middle Eastern wet T-shirt contest.
6:28 p.m.: Hashtag “knitting bondage.” A girl with red yarn tying herself to the woods.
6:33 p.m.: I’m singing The Spinners’ song “Rubberband Man” watching these rubber band masks.
6:35 p.m.: Almost tripped over a woman in the hole in the ground.
6:44 p.m.: My favorite piece of the night — two artists climbing through a broken wall. I get the key shot as the illusion of the top half of one body is backwards on the bottom half…eh, can’t explain…look at the photo.
6:49 p.m.: To a young woman named Janelle, “And you are a model or artist?” Her answer: “Model, artist, actress, muse. All of the above.”
6:50 p.m.: People really went for the dress code, “Bazaar Chic.”
7:05 p.m.: “Oh My God, I was up late looking at my Facebook and saw the photo you posed with your bandaged leg,” squeals Jamee Gregory. “Are you OK?” “I’m fine, thanks Jamee. “
7:11 p.m.: Robert Wilson makes his grand entrance in some sort of a gold-trimmed judge’s robe.
7:18 p.m.: Down into the basement for the Lady Gaga video portrait exhibit — beautifully done! As I gaze upon the screen with Gaga in bondage ropes, all I hear over and over in the soundtrack is the word ejaculation.
7:53 p.m.: I’m shooting some kids sitting in a convertible Rolls-Royce that was weirdly out of place, then Joy Marks jumps into the shot and does her dramatic poses.
7:58 p.m.: The silent auction features a surfboard with the word “Lust” across it. Perfect!
8:12 p.m.: I spy a girl with interesting hardware and as I’m clicking away from afar her boyfriend spontaneously kisses her. Cute.
8:16 p.m.: Some photographers are waiting in a pack. Who’s coming? ScarJo? Gaga? No — Kim Cattrall.
8:17 p.m.: “Kim’s not doing pictures.” Huh?
8:35 p.m.: Down to the dinner. Fantastic photo of the centerpiece, a female dancer looking like a statue.
8:47 p.m.: My editor makes a move and gets his quote from Cattrall. I snap a few but they are not that flattering. Sorry, Kim.
10:01 p.m.: Ahhhh, how I love a charity auction. Not! Well, at least this one is interesting with Simon de Pury’s funky Swiss accent and some fine art.
10:17 p.m.: The Anish Kapoor piece is paraded around the stage. Samira Sine’s hand goes up. The bid is at $40,000. Going once, going twice, sold!