Buckle Up

Come fly the unfriendly skies with air hostess Pam Ann - the Pucci-clad invention of comedienne Caroline Reid...

Pam Ann aka Caroline Reid

Pam Ann, a.k.a. Caroline Reid

Photo By John Dewis

LONDON — She welcomes you aboard with a sneer: Come fly the bitchy skies.

Air hostess Pam Ann — the Pucci-clad invention of London-based comedienne Caroline Reid — could do for stewardesses what Lily Tomlin’s Ernestine ("One ringy-dingy…") did for telephone operators. Reid makes a laughingstock of the trolley-dolly, rightly or wrongly the object of scorn from economy travelers everywhere.

"I think Pam needs to sit down and take a really good look at herself," says Reid, a friendly Aussie, as she sips a gin and tonic in the West End. "She’s delusional."

At the very least, the bouffant brunette tends to stray from the FAA’s standard safety demonstrations.

"Ladies and gentlemen, in the case of emergency," intones Pam Ann during her lecture on illuminated aisle lighting, "SCREAM!"

Remember, too, that all luggage must be placed securely in the overhead bins during takeoff and landing — as Pam demonstrates with a screaming enfant. And finally, as all frequent flyers know, in the unlikely event of the loss of cabin pressure, "a karaoke microphone will fall from the unit above your head."

"Pull down firmly and let yourself go wild," advises Pam.

All of this — plus noninflatable Chanel life jackets — have kept "flights" with Pam Ann overbooked. A sold-out run at the SoHo Theatre in February led to this week’s gigs, from Wednesday through Saturday, and a two-week engagement in July. In June, she’ll land in New York for a performance at Le Marquis.

Reid also does the occasional special performance for private clients. On board a 737 jet chartered by Sir Elton John to fly between London and Venice last fall, Pam flung clammy "hot" towels at guests including Tim Jeffries, and later distributed glassine envelopes of white powder. (For the record, it was sugar.)

Whatever the venue, Pam Ann passengers would be advised to dress their spiffiest.

"I upgrade or downgrade audience members based on the label they wear," warns Reid. "If it’s not a good label, I send them to the back of the plane."
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